pondering, pondering...

Not sure what this is really going to be about. More of a thought process than something blogging I think, maybe not...wait and see I guess.

I'm out of sorts...have been for quite awhile. Not even sure why. Missing my family. Feeling as if my quilting is becoming a hard slog. I think when I have all the baby quilts made that I've got to make...promised to new mommy's. This there for means they are "work". I'm working enough at work, I have enough work at home to do. Now I've turned my hobby into work and it's kinda pissed me off. Also, I've streatched myself a bit more than I like financially and that pisses me off too. I guess I'm mad at me! It will all settle down eventually. But I'm not happy.

My quilting is showing the strain. Am I aiming too high or expecting too much of myself? Likely!
Another thing... and this is a reflection of attitude and this too is my own, it's the art of giving, getting and all that that intails. Since I'm having a whine session, anybody got some cheese?

I've been elected as president of my quilt group. That in itself is something I questioned. However, it's more like they just wanted a puppet regime. The previous president is still on the committee, in charge of programs, she's still listed as the contact person for the group and she's still basicly calling the shots. However, if everything goes to hell in a handbasket...guess who will take the heat?

Now for my "giving" problem. This is tied in with the quilt group thing.... The quilt group is in a village about ten miles away from where I live. Another member of the group lives near me and I used to have my husband take me to her house and she would bring me home. Living in England I don't drive.

Recently another member moved closer to me. She and I ride together and I give her gas/petrol money. She is not financially well off and even though I'm not either I'm a tad bit more fiscally secure than she is. Giving her a bit extra to help her along is not a problem. I enjoy her company and that's fine.

Last meeting we had a guest speaker come to show us how to make a pleated log cabin block.
The understanding was we would have a workshop the next Saturday while it was still fresh in our minds and make some of them. Afore mentioned friend wanted to make some of the blocks but didn't have the fabric. We talked that it's a lot of fabric for a small quilt (two jelly rolls for a 40x40 inch quilt) but that pillows would be nice. I told her I have some fabric she could have for a couple of pillows. I should have cut the fabric off, but of course I thought she understood a pair of pillows. I brought fabric and she had cut up about half of it then asked if it was ok to use it all. I of course didn't want to say no...how selfish of me. On the other hand, I did have plans for it, just not all of it. There is a subtle manipulation from her on many things and I'm starting to resent it a bit...When does it cease to be a gift and become a rip-off? If it was something I was going to give away anyway or throw away, fine...is it a gift or recycling?

An example, going for coffee at another friend's home, she's asked do you want your milk heated? "Yes, that would be nice, about half a cup." Even my friend serving the coffee got a bit of a "look" on her face. So, I know it's not just me. Am I at fault, stingy, mean? Or is she greedy, manipulative and selfish? I know what it's like to be without. I know what it's like to be the only one not doing a project because I couldn't afford the supplies and I didn't want her to be out of the loop.

What else has my hackles rising. I spent an hour and a half re-writing the directions for the quilt block and my manipulative mate is the only person who made the block! Everyone else must have decided it was too much fabric for the outcome. It would have been nice if they had told me!

I wanted to set up a table at the other end of the room for sewing, closer to the ironing board and I was told, we always set the tables down there for sewing and the iron over there (opposite ends of the large gym like room). Colour me bitchy, but that is counter productive in time and energy. Also, why can't I. What's it going to hurt?

OK, I've had my whine.
bye.